Friday, January 6, 2012

Putting Fear in the Passenger Seat

Unrealistic Expectation???

Somehow I've always had it in my head that I needed to get rid of any and all fear I carry with me.  That it needs to be gone.  Period.  I've thought getting rid of the fear would put me in a place that would make it easier possible for me to reach out and move ahead.  I've envisioned myself fearlessly bulldozing my way ahead in life only slowing down long enough to put tally marks on my board of accomplishments and giving myself a celebratory pat on the back.  In turn I've convinced myself I could not move toward my goals and dreams until I've banished all the fear.  Could I be wrong?

I think I had a "moment" of clarity sanity.  I'm a storyteller so I'll give you the long version.  :)  It's more fun for me.

I'm teaching a class on goals and vision boards at the community center next week.  I totally set myself up for that so I would not procrastinate getting myself focused on what I really want in the years to come.  So I'm pondering and cutting and pondering some more..and this freaking amazing idea knocks me upside the head.  I go through all the initial reactions I have when I've had a stellar moment in my head..excitement, joy, passion, sheer determination, etc.  All neatly gift wrapped in a beautiful box of ingenuity with a great big red ribbon tagged FEAR.  Immediately I think to myself, "ok, gotta get rid of that, I really really want to do this, but I've got to dump the fear first."  I spend the rest of the day and night thinking about how I'm going to put my awesome idea into soon as I can get rid of the fear.

Move ahead to this morning.  Morning pages are done, in which I totally oozed about my idea and of course, fear jumped right up my ass.  Normal, I'm used to it.  I just can't figure out how to get the bastard out of my head/heart.  So I'm having a quiet moment with my coffee and this beautiful thought floats through my head.  "What if you told fear it could join you on the ride as long as it sat in the passenger seat?"  And I swear on my 13 year old alien son's head...I felt fear shift to the right as if to say, "I'm ok with that, but you're not leaving me behind".

My observation of all this...maybe I've been using the thought of banishing all fear as a way to procrastinate taking a few chances and taking action.  I'm very seriously entertaining the idea that you don't just dump fear and carry on about your day only to step out in the street and get hit by a bus.  Fear has a valid place within me and does not like to be threatened with banishment from the Kingdom of Heather.  In trying so hard to get rid of my fear I've only given it royalty status.

Experiment time!  I've allowed fear it's place in the passenger seat, but I'm driving this sucker!  And we're taking a little ride down the path of an amazing idea.  I'll let you know how it turns out.  :)

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