Sunday, April 3, 2011
Finding Your/My Passion
There's been a lot popping up on this subject for me lately. Just this morning I came across this blog post from Liz Strauss. And listened to this podcast with Teesha Moore. It was simple validation that I have FINALLY figured out what I already knew.
My whole life I have loved to create. Mom would say I was born with crayons and scissors in my hand. And you would think, after my creative history, that it would be easy for me to accept my passion and my path. Oh so wrong. It has been anything but easy.
So many days I found myself asking, "Why?". Why is it this thing (art) that I love so much? And why can't I just be a normal woman who at the age of 34, and raising 3 amazing children, I can't have that drive to go back to school, get a degree, and a "real" job? Simple answer...That's just not me. That's not my "passion". That's not my path. And while I still feel silly about that, I am learning to embrace it and accept it.
Not all that long ago, if someone asked me, "what are you, some kind of artist?" (and I've heard that questions A ZILLION TIMES!), I would shrivel up and want to crawl under a table somewhere. Even if one of my kids said "mom you are an amazing artist", I'd want to dive in the deepest hole possible and pull dirt over myself. Friday afternoon my son asks me to help him deco out his recently spray painted bike. I encouraged him to do it himself and his reply was, "but mom, you are such an amazing artist, I just can't do it like you can." And for one of the first times EVER, I didn't want to run and hide. It was true. I am. I am a creative soul. Period. Yet, so is he. And while I won't deco out his bike for him, I will encourage him to explore that part of himself. And I asked him, "well Kurt, how do you know you're not an amazing artist?". He doesn't know. And he's afraid to find out. I can see the yearn in him to find a creative outlet, and the fear of failing.
So now I have this opportunity to help these three amazing children learn something it's taken me 34 years to figure out. WHO CARES IF YOU FAIL? AND THERE IS NO REAL FAILURE IN ART! IT'S ONLY YOUR PERCEPTION THAT DETERMINES FAILURE. There are no rules in art and creativity as long as it's coming from your own depth. AND THE FEAR OF FAILURE IS MUCH WORSE THAN DOING NOTHING AT ALL. Who wants to sit on the fence and watch everyone else doing what they are too afraid to do? The only living on the fence is just flat out miserable.
Judge me if you want to judge me. Laugh that you think I'm being irresponsible and acting like a child having dreams and being in a place where once again, everything is possible. (oh wait, that's what I was doing to myself!) I don't care anymore. This is what I love, this is what I do, this is who I am. I'm gonna own it and ride it like I stole it!!!