Saturday, June 14, 2014

It Could Happen Or Maybe Not

There's this thing that came up a few weeks ago.  Something that could turn in to a really really big opportunity for me and possibly launch my jewelry making career forward in a flash.  I can't go into details just yet, but it could happen, and it could be awesome.  Then again, maybe not.  Either way will anything really change?

I guess as we get older our perspectives shift.  Twenty years ago, had something like this come up, I'd have thrown caution to the wind and jumped in the pool head first without a second thought of whether or not I would hit the bottom.  Things change.  I've changed.
When this thing first came up I'll admit I cried.  I've worked so hard over the years to find my niche.  To figure out who I really am and what I really want.  Now to be possibly entering the highway of "dreams come true" is pretty overwhelming to me.  I cried tears of gratitude, tears of joy, tears of release and great big tears of terror.  What if it doesn't happen?  What if this is just like all the other times I thought I was right there and it never came to pass?  The answer this time is so much different.  SO WHAT!!!

See, while I really want this, and while I've worked really really hard to get to this place, I also understand that the world as I know it is not going to come to end if it doesn't pan out.  I will still get up tomorrow and do what I do.  I will still make jewelry; I will still love my life; I will still work really really hard; I will still carry on.  If this opportunity is just smoke and mirrors that's ok.  There will be another one.  There WILL come a day when it's not just smoke and mirrors, when it's the real deal.  I'm certain of this because I know I will not stop until I find it.  Therefore at some point it HAS to happen.  I've taken all other options off the table.

Then there's the "what if" flip side.  What if it DOES happen?  What if this is really it?  Can I pull it off?  Am I really ready?  Do I really have the skills and the talent?  Am I worthy?  Same answer ... SO WHAT!!!  I've done a million things I wasn't sure I could pull off.  I've accomplished things I wasn't sure I had the skills and talent for.  I've jumped in more lakes I wasn't prepared for than I can count.  And more than once I was in an experience I wasn't entirely certain I was worthy of.  I still did it anyway.  If it does pan out not much will change either. I will still make jewelry; I will still love my life; I will still work really really hard; I will still carry on.

This "SO WHAT" place is kinda cool.  It's where I finally realize who I am and that circumstances are just that, circumstances.  The outcome won't define me either way.  I like that.  I like not relying on any kind of outcome to determine my value, my goals, or what I'm really willing to do to achieve my goals.  This is new territory for me and I'm just curious enough to explore it.

"I am seeking,
I am striving,
I am in it with all my heart".
Van Gough

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