Permission To Not Be Positive All The Time

Last week an old friend of mine commented on one of my Facebook posts something along the lines of "how great to wake up with such positivity every day".  I had a few moments of panic.  Is that how I come across?  Have I been dishonest with my social media presence?  Am I one of those people who online dresses up their life to be perfect and without flaws?  Holy shit I hope not!  Here's the reality....

I do not wake up positive every day.  As a matter of fact I don't even want too.  I let go of the unachievable goal that everything, including myself, is always going to be rainbows and butterflies.  It's unrealistic and far from healthy.  I also believe it defeats the purpose of the "human experience".  We are intended to experience life on all levels.  Happiness, gratitude, peace, abundance, dosed with insecurities, tragedies, sadness, depression and illness, is all part of the living experience.  It's the duality of the world we live in that helps us grown and learn.  How do you ever learn true happiness without sorrow?  The trick is learning to accept both sides of the duality exactly as they are.  Finding the beauty not only in the happy, but the sad as well.  Being somehow grateful for the growing pains because they ARE pushing you to grow

I choose not to "whine" on social media because I see so much "negativity" online and that shit spreads.  "Poor me" leads to more "poor me" and "oh yeah, well my life is more horrible than yours because of ......".  I don't like that crap so I choose not to go there.  I call it taking responsibility for my own energy and what I put out into the world.  Now that's not to say that when The Big White guy walks through the door at night he doesn't often times hear "so ya wanna know what really pissed me off today?".  Actually, that happens a lot.  I share my stories, my pain, and my insecurities with him because I TRUST him and know that bottling all that crap up is so NOT good for me.  He is my sounding board.  He is my person I can talk about all the "crap" of life with and know that it's ok and he's not going to carry it with him.  He knows me well enough to know I'm just working things out in my own head.  He's also strong enough to understand it's not about him and to not let it effect him.  He listens.  I think everyone should have a "person" to just listen, because again, carrying crap is NOT good!  Having that "person" who listens allows me to work through it and let it go.  It also gives me another point of view that I probably hadn't considered; which leads to more growth.

I allow myself to not be positive all the time.  Even trying to be positive all the time is just too big of a task for me to live up to and I won't put that kind of pressure on myself.  It leaves the door wide open for self abuse when I can't meet that expectation.  I give myself permission to feel the ugly stuff too.  You know what I mean.  All the "if I was really a good person I wouldn't feel ________" (jealousy, shame, anger, fear, guilt, insert what ever 'shouldn't' word here).  I allow myself to acknowledge I'm feeling those things so I can learn from them.  I allow myself to be human.  What I have found in that permission is that it really is easier to let things go.  I'm more aware of the days I'm a little off beat and can be a bit more tender with myself.  I communicate better with those I love.  I understand myself better.  I don't stuff crap which leaves more room for the good stuff, ie. love, happiness, gratitude, peace, and abundance (and yes, to me abundance can be a very big emotion).  I'm also able to look back on a not so positive experience and find the goodness and growth in it.  I often wait to post until after I have gotten to this place so I can share it as positive growth rather than painful whiny growth. (I'm a silver lining human)  I'm just not all about spreading low self worth and bad juju around.  I want what I spread in the world to come from a place of unconditional love and genuine humanity.  We need more of that, not more self pity.  However I also understand the importance of acknowledging the truth about our "not so positive" days.

To some degree I appreciate that online I'm perceived as positive all the time.  However that's not really the truth.  The truth is I'm not, I just don't like spreading my own "blah" around and really don't see what purpose it would serve in helping anyone or anything.  I've never seen anyone get inspired from that behavior and my goal is to encourage and inspire.  Sometimes that requires me to feel the crap too and process my way through it.  So....permission granted to be human.  :)

Today's Work Table Projects

I'm pretty excited to get started on these ...

 A Tiffany and a Chrysocolla, and yeah, that's an orange Tiffany.  The others I've seen are purple.  I'm totally diggin on the coral and brown.  These two are for a custom order, but I can see more of them both in my future.  :)

And this one is getting reworked a bit.  It's big, it's chunky, and it honestly needs a bit more than just a plain jane ball chain.  I can really see it being a keychain, or even a small inspiration piece to hang on the wall.  Maybe keep it's "pendantness", yet still be able to hang on the wall?  Who knows how it will turn out.  I never know until something is finished. 

I hope everyone had a fun and safe Memorial Day.  I also hope that everyone took some time to remember those who have served our country and continue to serve our country.  It's a big job.  It's a lot of sacrifice.  It's worthy or more than just a few moments of remembrance.  Give a Vet a hug, and say THANK YOU!.  :)

A Reminder to Swim

I have to share this today...

 

This poem has to be one of my all time favorites.  Tyler Knott has a bunch of amazing stuff on his site if you'd like to check him out.   But this one, this is the one I read on the "rough" days.  You know what I mean.  When all you're doing is just "treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves".  We all have those days.  Money gets tight, we get overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, we hit autopilot and the rat race begins.  I'm tired of that.  I've had enough.  I've had a change of perception to go along with it.

Today is a perfect example.  I seriously have a list nine miles long of "crap" that needs to be done.  And the anxiety is heavy.  It's Monday and I'm already behind.  And I know I need to shift my attitude quick or I'm going to blow this whole day.  Instead of stressing about everything I won't get done today, I start prioritizing.  And I start looking for the opportunity to SWIM instead of TREAD.  I ask myself, "What needs to be done today to make tomorrow better?".  That's where my priorities are, and those priorities are also my opportunities to swim instead of tread.  The simplicity of knowing what I'm doing today will make my tomorrow better replaces the anxiety with motivation, ambition, and a strong sense of productiveness.  Those three things always put a smile on my face.

Happy Swimming Everyone!  Have an awesome Monday.

Part of My Process

I hope everyone had a great weekend.  It was pretty quiet around here and very relaxing.  We were able to spend some time with friends, relax, take a small ride on the Harley, and I did get some creating done.  :)  All in all in was a wonderful weekend and I was sad to see it go.

I came to a realization over the weekend about my creative process.  I tend to create a bunch of foundations.  Projects that I've started but have no real focal point or subject.  I leave these lying around and eventually one will catch my eye and I'll have a great idea for it.  The photo above is a prime example of that.  I started the background on this several weeks ago and yesterday it jumped out and grabbed me to work on it.  I'm calling it only half done for now and will be giving her some more attention today.  

I spent a little time last night watching some YouTube technique videos.  I love watching those!  They are very inspiring and I always learn something.  I was a bit annoyed last night though, in the particular video I was watching the artist didn't name the supplies she was using and there were a few things I hadn't seen used before.  Note to self...when I start making YouTube videos be sure my supplies are listed.  :)

I've been thinking about trying a video for YouTube.  I've never done anything like that before but I'm thinking it could be fun.  As soon as I figure out how to run my camcorder and exactly how to edit everything. LOL.  My Kurty boy said he'd help me out with that.  :)  Gotta love kids and how they tend to teach you things you never knew.  I know the videos are quite a process, but I'd like to try at least one.  We'll see.  The first step is figuring out my camcorder.  If anyone has any tips or advice on this I'd love to hear it.

Well folks, it's time to get creative.  It's my goal this week to spend less time online and more time in the studio.  Hope everyone has a super fab day!

Calling Heather on the Carpet...

Heather are you ready for this???

I'm going to start today's post with a reader's comment to my running theme for the week.

"I just found your old blog and after I hit the follow button, I saw that you have moved. I do hope that this time you stick with in. There are rewards out here in cyber-space that you can not imagine. I've only been blogging since January and I've met so many wonderfully talented women. As for you not having words, I say, JUST BE YOURSELF...never under estimate a person that God has created (that's you). Give yourself the same love and kindness that you give to others. I just know that you have a voice and I am one who would love to hear it. Five years ago I only sang in the shower. Now I sing with two groups. Hey we're not big, we sing at county fairs, farmers markets and nursing homes, but we have so much fun. I even learned guitar and would not have dreamed that I could. It all starts with that first step. So take a little plunge into the water and get your feet wet . . .you might just be surprised at how many people will love you for who you are. I'm ready to follow your blog, but I want to know if you're going to continue and give this one all you've got, first. FLY, YOUNG WOMEN, SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY!!! Your new fan, Connie you can find me at  http://crafty-home-cottage,blogspot.com"

Thank you Connie!!!  The encouragement and request to take some accountability was exactly what I needed.  After reading this I had to ask myself the question, am I really really really ready for this?  Well, yes, yes I am!

I do NOT want to live an unfulfilled life.  I want to live the life that God, (the universe, the divine, enter what ever you call it here), intended me to live. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I have not done that fully up to this point.  I don't quite understand why we make it so difficult to accept the beauty within ourselves, the worthiness, the voice.  I'm 100% guilty of doing that. Over and over again.  I've spent a lot of time devaluing the things about myself that I know to be true.  I've spent too much time accepting the judgements others have placed on my as my own.   Somehow always feeling that I wasn't worthy of using my voice, that it wouldn't make a difference, that I didn't matter.  None of those things are true.

I want to deeply thank everyone who has either posted comments or sent me private messages over the last little while.  It has been brought to my attention that some of you have started working with your art again, that you have been inspired to get back in to things you once loved, and that my words and my voice have contributed to that.  What a huge honor for me!  I feel very blessed to have been able to play a small part in your creative life.  And believe me, the words and voice you are sharing with me are contributing to my life as well.  You are inspiring me, motivating me, encouraging me to keep going.  If in such a short amount of time I can make a difference to those that I have, I cannot even begin to imagine what will happen now that I have fully committed myself to really, just being me and letting it all hang out.  :)  Thanks to each and every one of you for helping me to find the value in using my voice.  Keep doing what you're doing ladies!  You are amazing!  And one by one we can all make a difference.

On the note of "making a difference", this whole Stop Kony campaign really rattled my chain yesterday.  That will be my topic of tomorrow's post.  It's really encouraged me to take a long hard look at how I participate not only here online, but in the world as a whole, and in my own small community.

Until tomorrow my friends, have an amazing day!

Using Your Voice, Sharing Your Passion

Here it is.  :)  My art journal page on voice.  The whole process of it really morphed into encouraging myself.  Most of my projects do that.  There is always some little message to myself it in, a message that I always hope someone else gets too.

Lately things have been changing at a rapid pace.  I guess I should say I've been changing at a rapid pace.  My strength is growing daily.  My courage to put what is on my mind and in my heart out there is growing daily.  And the fear of all of it is diminishing.  Logically it seems so silly to be afraid to put yourself out there.  Yet it is a very real fear I've held on the front lines of my life for nearly my whole life.  I was never one to like a lot of attention.  It made me very very uncomfortable.  And the easiest way to divert attention is to not put yourself out there to begin with.  That's not to say that I haven't had moments.  I've had some amazing moments that I ignored my need for privacy and jumped it with both feet.  I have just never made a habit of it.  That is something that is going to change permanently. 

Now seriously, I'm not going to dump my whole life out on the internet.  But I have chosen to speak up a bit more, to share more, to encourage others more, to participate in the world more.  I have taken my privacy issues to the extreme in the past.  And why?  Sharing your passion with the world is one of the most amazing gifts you can offer.  How else do we ever become inspired to try something new? to reach for our goals? to discover a new way of living and thinking?  How would I have ever discovered my passion for creating if someone else hadn't shared theirs?

We have some many ways to communicate these days.  So many ways to share the things that matter to us, the things we love, the things that drive us.  Is that not a gift and a sign that we should all be doing that?  Put your passion forward and share it!  Get excited about it!  Excite someone else to try something new!  Participate in your own life and in the lives of others by sharing your experiences and your best self with whoever you can.  You may be surprised at the difference it makes.  Not only in the life of someone else, but in your own life as well.

I'm hoping that you all will share with me today.  :)  I'd like to hear your thoughts, experiences, and passions.  Share your story with me.  If you are not comfortable with commenting publicly here on the blog, don't hesitate to private message me through this blog (use the contact form in the left sidebar) or send me a message on facebook.  If you have an art piece that relates to what I've posted this week please share it.  Feel free to link back to your work in the comments section or send me a private message.

Thanks everyone!  Have a great day!

Finally Friday Post...Miss Fortune or Misfortune?

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me.  In a really really great way.  I did something so out of my comfort zone it was flat out crazy.  I'm really still in awe about it.  Long story so I won't go in to details right now.  I'm sure that at some point in the future I will, but I want to see how the story "ends" first.  However, the events that have transpired in the last couple of days have pushed me to refine my "dream", in writing, and actually put it out there.  It's frightening and exhilarating all at the same time.

I'm certain that it's obvious my goals and dreams are art related.  But it goes much deeper than that.  See I could achieve all the fame, glory and money an artist can have and it still wouldn't be enough.  I still wouldn't feel successful and fulfilled.  Why?  Because for me it's not only about the art.  Let me pose this question to you....

Misfortune? or.....

 

Miss Fortune?

It's really all in how you look at it.  Right? After a "series of unfortunate events" my life for all outer appearances looks like a mess.  Let's face it.  I'm "struggling" to become a successful artist.  I'm "new" in this whole art business.  I have no following yet, no voice, I'm still working on becoming better with my art every day, I'm very very green.....as in new.  I'm still a baby in all this. We live paycheck to paycheck at my house and the money always runs out before the month.  I'm still in financial ruin from my last divorce, and who knows how long that will last in this economy.  Every single day is a struggle to survive.  Or is it?  To anyone on the outside looking in I'm sure this would be what it appears to be. And the stories I could tell you about my past, things that happened I had no control of, well they may make your toes curl.  For all intents and purposes I should not be here.  It would have made more sense if I'd have thrown in the towel years and years ago or been killed.  But I am still here. I wasn't killed, and I didn't throw in the towel.  Nor will I ever.  Simply because it's all so much bigger than me.  And it's about more than just me.  It's about you too!

And my friends, that is why I am here.  To show all of you that YOU can not only be a survivor, but you can help and inspire others too.

In my life it has all happened to make me Miss Fortune, the events have not been misfortune.  They have brought me to this place where I have grown so much from everything , become a better person, realized how very blessed I am, and that my true dream is to inspire and motivate others to keep moving forward.  To hang in there.  To kick this life right in the ass and live it with everything you've got. Why not? 

I experienced the true meaning of success yesterday when one of my besties called me on the phone and shared these words with me, "that was AWESOME! You inspired me!  Are you sure you weren't meant to be a motivational speaker?".  AND I had a friend on Facebook comment that one of my art pieces inspired her.  HELLO....THAT right there is the true meaning of wealth and success!  No amount of money could have bought what I felt in that moment. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I made a difference in someone else's life was the greatest gift I could ever ask for. And how blessed am I to have the honor to participate in anyone's life like that!  It's amazing!

I'm going to keep working my butt off, not only for myself, but for everyone.  Just to show that if someone with my background can do it and make a difference, so can you!

Yes, there will come a day that I achieve "worldly" success.  That is a goal of mine.  I want to provide a great life for my family and enable them a safe place that they can follow their dreams as well.  I want a "name" in this world.  For this reason...the bigger my "name", the more lives I can touch.  The more people I can inspire and help. Because everyone is worthy of love and there are few greater things than to be inspired. And there is no greater success than making a difference in the life of another human being. 

And if for any reason you think I can't do it....all I have to say is....Sit back and watch me!

Everyone have an amazing Friday! :)